Watevs...

When I switch on my retarded phone.

First off, it starts to vibrate for no reason, except maybe to let you know that it has acknowledged the pressing of the power button. There is no other hint to this, as nothing appears to happen at all for the first 5 or 10 seconds.

The screen goes white for a few seconds, then the splash screen comes up saying HTC. Then this ridiculously loud jingle plays, and there is no way to make it not play. It’s louder than my phones ringtone on full, easily audible from anywhere in my office.

Then right under the HTC logo some text starts to appear – but because the phone is so freaking slow and horrible it appears all erratic and jolty, and takes like 12 seconds for the two most ironic words in the world to appear: Quietly Brilliant.